every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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