U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
