dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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