You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
