Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
