I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
