Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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