Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Small penises have feelings too.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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