thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Are my feet made of real feet?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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