I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
