All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
