Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
