she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
