Michael Bay diarrhea
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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