you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it glows. i had to have it.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
