I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
