I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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