I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
