Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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