So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
