he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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