Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
we have officially lost it.
high people should be assigned attendants
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
