Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
