new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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