Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
