You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
