I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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