now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
