Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
