wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
