I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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