Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
