don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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