I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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