Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
