Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
