if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
