Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
