kristin has been a bad kristin
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think I won the penis lottery.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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