Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
