So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
