ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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