I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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