It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
