don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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