5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
