I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
