I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
