it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
