After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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