i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
