i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
