I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
