break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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