you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just found a bag of teeth...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
